Dear ______________________,


Thank you for writing to me. 

In short, the answer to your question is, no.  You don't have to ask for nor receive a person's forgiveness in order to begin to heal. But there are many benefits to it.
 
When we ask for a person's forgiveness, whether the "wrong" we feel we have caused them is actual or perceptual, we reach out to make amends. This sets the energy "right" - it balances the "Karma," if you will. If you believe you have "wronged" someone, you need to make amends for yourself. This is the way we humans are programmed.

However, the amends you (or anyone) try to make (apologizing, asking for forgiveness, offering explanation, asking what you can do to make it better, any or all of these things) may not be received. The person you reach out to may not perceive the situation the same way you do, they may not feel that you have wronged them at all, or, to the other extreme, they may feel so wronged, angry, or vengeful that they lash out, reject you, and/or withhold their forgiveness.

In some cases, people cannot make amends nor ask for forgiveness because the person they wronged may have passed away or they are unable to locate them, etc.

None of these circumstances make the amends nor the forgiveness impossible. This is because the healing power of forgiveness and making amends lies within the intention and attempt of the person seeking it.

This is why you hear, in so many religions and Spiritual belief systems, "Confession is good for the soul" and similar wisdoms. This is also the whole basis of the 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th steps of any 12 step healing and recovery program:

"5. Admitted to God (Higher Power, Universe, etc.), to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. "

So, it is very beneficial for you to go to the person you feel you have wronged (in person and/or through a letter and/or visualization exercise) and pour your heart out. Explain what you feel, ask for forgiveness, and ask what you can do to help right any wrong you may have committed.

You can do the same thing between you and the God of your understanding. Go to God in prayer and speak to God as you would to anyone else. Ask God to help you heal and forgive yourself. Ask God to help the other person  to heal and to forgive you.

You can also, in lieu of or in addition to the above, visualize yourself speaking to the person or persons. Go through the whole process in your mind, seeing the individual before you and speaking to that person in your mind and heart and asking for their forgiveness. This is an EXCELLENT healing exercise for you to practice. See the person or persons forgiving you, embracing you, telling you everything is all right. Do this with the God visualization too. It will help you to move more deeply into the healing energy and it will have fabulous benefits for your mind, body, and spirit. Visualization and prayer exercises like this can feel, silly, awkward, uncomfortable, emotional, and etc. Especially if you're not accustomed to using them. That's ok. They still work. Just keep at them.

If you go to the person and ask for forgiveness, do the exercises no matter the response and do them every time you feel guilt or shame creeping back in. Eventually you will reprogram your mind so that it does not go right back into it's loop of guilt and shame which are toxic to your whole being. This takes time and practice. Be gentle with yourself through the process and keep at it.

Remember, if you do speak to the person or persons, and they do not react as you hope, forgiveness is still possible and you still deserve it.

God does not withhold forgiveness. God has already forgiven you because God loves and accepts you EXACTLY and PRECISELY as you are, and sees the whole of you at a glance. You are the only one that can truly withhold forgiveness from yourself.

If you get nothing else from this, I pray you realize that the only thing really necessary for you to release your guilt and shame and begin to heal, is for you to forgive yourself.

I sincerely hope something we have discussed here will be of help/benefit to you.

I'm keeping you in my prayers for your complete healing and restoration.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do to help.

Blessings of Light, Love, Peace, and Healing,
~ Jordyn

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